You’ve been thinking about some of the kinky things you’ve read. Red rooms and blindfolds, floggers and whips - and it sounds exciting and passionate. It’s something you want to try, but just haven’t figured out the best time or place.

Valentine’s Day is a holiday for love, romance, and yes, sex. What better time to play around with a little kink than now? If you and your partner are willing, you can have the kinky Valentine’s Day of your dreams.

Start Preparing Now

If kink is still new to your relationship and you haven’t played with toys or power exchange in the bedroom yet, this may come as a surprise, but you’re going to need to have a conversation with your partner before you get started. The big, number one rule of kink is consent (it’s the big number one rule of all sex, but we talk about it in kink a lot). You need to know your partner is okay with getting kinky before you start swinging floggers or tying each other up.

[clickToTweet tweet=”The big, number one rule of kink is consent” quote=”The big, number one rule of kink is consent”]

This doesn’t have to be as boring or unromantic as it sounds. A big part of kink, whether you’re into the BDSM lifestyle or you just like having extra fun during sex, is communication. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be fun, either.

I’m a big fan of dirty text messages (sexting) and sometimes it’s easier to write something than to say it. Try something like: I have something different in mind for Valentine’s Day. How do you feel about handcuffs [or blindfolds or rope or whatever, just name a kinky thing you want to try]? I’d love to be spanked.

Get a feel for where they are. Maybe they’re open for anything, and you desperately want to be tied up. Maybe they’re feeling a little nervous but are willing to try a new toy. Keep it light and playful.

Get Your Toys Together

Whether you decide to surprise your partner or you do it together, you need to figure out what you want to play with. This doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate. In kink, the most important things are a willingness to try and an imagination.

You have a few options for finding the right toys for your kinky Valentine’s Day:

• Start searching online for different toys that interest you.
• Head out to the local toy store - which could be part of your kink date. Consider it part of foreplay.
• Make it yourself.
• Turn things you already own into toys. In the kink community, we refer to these as “pervertables”

Going online to find a toy is fairly common these days. Always look for a store that is upfront with their privacy policy and lets you know they will ship any packages discreetly. Most places will because the easiest way to lose business is to make it obvious to the mailman or your neighbors that you just bought a sex toy.

If you’re feeling brave and go to an adult toy store, don’t let the exterior scare you away. Some toy stores look very posh, and you might not even realize they’re adult stores unless someone tells you. Others can look a little cheesy and gloomy, but some of the nicest people work inside. Depending on the staff and store policies, they may take toys out of the package and let you touch a toy to get a sense of what it will feel like before you buy it.

Yes, you can make your own toys. Rope, leather, suede, paracord, or turning household items into something new are all options. The nice thing about this option is that no one has to know what you’re doing, and no one will give you funny looks if you buy the industrial size package of clothespins.

[clickToTweet tweet=”Make your own toys” quote=”Make your own toys”]

Look around your house. Large, flat hairbrushes, wooden spoons, ties, scarves, a man’s belt - all of those things can be used in different ways for kinky fun. Best of all, the next time you use them (assuming they don’t get ruined in some of the messier moments of fun), you’ll be reminded of your kinky Valentine’s Day.

There’s no right answer for what kind of toy you pick out. A man’s silk tie can be a blindfold and a wooden spoon makes for an excellent spanking. Fingernails raking down your spine are just as powerful as a Wartenberg wheel. Go with what feels good to you and gets you turned on just thinking about it.

Setting the Scene

The big question for your kinky Valentine’s Day is when, where, and how are you going to pull this off. You need a place where you feel safe having a good time and where you don’t worry about nosy neighbors calling the police. You also want to make sure both you and your partner are in the mood right from the beginning.

Decide as soon as possible if you’re staying at home or getting a hotel. If the kids are old enough to be home alone, a hotel can add a certain spice and fantasy to the evening. Plus, you don’t have to worry about washing towels or sheets or cleaning up after yourself. At a nice hotel, it’s rare to hear your neighbors, and a “Do Not Disturb” sign will be respected.

If the kids aren’t old enough, maybe they can go to someone’s house for a sleepover or Grandma can take them for the night. It’s definitely possible to get kinky with your kids in the house, but it requires a lot less noise, which isn’t always possible if you’re into spankings or either of you gets really loud when you’re turned on.

Wear what makes you feel sexy or ask your partner what they love to see you in. This is their Valentine’s Day as much as yours. You want each other, and you want to get kinky, but there’s nothing wrong with wearing the f%&$-me heels or a specific outfit for each other, either. By the time you’re getting kinky, those heels might be the only thing you’re wearing.

[clickToTweet tweet=”Wear what makes you feel sexy or ask your partner what they love to see you in” quote=”Wear what makes you feel sexy or ask your partner what they love to see you in”]

Don’t Stop Communicating

Remember the communication you did to set up your kinky Valentine’s Day? It doesn’t start once you pull out your new toy or get tied up. Make sure you have a safeword so that if you get hurt, feel scared, or think something is wrong everything can stop.

Dirty talk is as kinky as toys to play with, so keep it up. In the heat of the moment, it can be easier to say those things you’ve only read or heard. And, you never know how much hearing you like that will spur your partner on.

After you’re done and you’ve collapsed in each other’s arms, once your breathing comes back to normal, talk about what just happened. What you liked and what you didn’t like. That way, when you decide you want to get kinky again, you know what works and what doesn’t. And no, talking about sex isn’t strange. It’s actually a great way to build intimacy and bond - and make sure you continue to enjoy one another, kinky or not.

[clickToTweet tweet=”Talking about sex isn’t strange. It’s actually a great way to build intimacy and bond” quote=”Talking about sex isn’t strange. It’s actually a great way to build intimacy and bond”]

No matter how new you are to kink, you can have an exciting, satisfying, sexual, and very kinky Valentine’s Day.

[sc name=”Author_Kayla”] [sc name=”Illustrator_Amy”]