Kneeling on the floor, I trembled with anticipation. I’d heard the clink of the buckle hit the bed next to me moments before. One of the few things that actually scared me a little – his belt. I kept my eyes down, partly as part of our kinky Dominant and submissive dynamic, partly for fear of what might come next.
He walked around me. Did he look at me? Did he smile? Was he as nervous as I was? I have no idea – to this day I don’t. Some unknown force held me in place. It was scary. It was delicious. The fear was part of the fun. Guessing what he might do next was, too.
While I’d been lost in thought, he’d picked up the belt again. He cracked it next to my ear. I jumped and yelped, as if I’d been struck with it.
He did it twice more, on either side of my head. I shook on the floor. My mind spun in all different directions. I was a puddle at his feet. Incapable of speech or coherent thought. My body tightened with arousal. He could do what he wanted with me at that moment, and we both knew it.
While I waited for the feel of hard leather to fall across my bottom, a little scared, a little excited, he helped me to my feet instead. Wiping away tears I didn’t know were falling, he gathered me into his arms and held me close.
He’d fucked my mind so thoroughly, my body reacted as if we’d just had hours of kinky fun but he’d never laid a finger – or belt – on me. I went to bed that night exhausted from the mental activity, not the physical.
What is a Mind Fuck
A mind fuck, simply put, is a type of kinky play where a top or Dominant allows a submissive (or bottom) to believe something is going to happen or will happen. That activity or scene either does not occur at all or doesn’t happen the way the submissive thinks it will. Like anything with BDSM, mind fucks exist on a spectrum and in a variety of ways.
A simple (and in my experience, common) mind fuck is to allow a submissive to convince themselves of something with little to no input from the Dominant. For example, a submissive breaks a rule, forgets a task, or is rude to their Dominant. They know they’ve made a mistake and believe they will be punished.
A Dominant can fuck with their sub’s mind by allowing the sub to concoct a story in their head about what’s going to happen – a spanking, orgasm denial, whatever they fear. This becomes a mind fuck for one reason.
The Dominant could alleviate their partner’s concerns with a few words but they don’t. The submissive is allowed to believe something they’ve made up for themselves that also makes them nervous. In this case, the real “punishment” is the fear they felt at the idea of what the possible consequences might be.
Why and How They Work
Mind fucks work, primarily, when there’s a certain amount of trust between two partners. Doms who are consistent in their behavior and expectations teach their submissive they can be believed when they say or do something. In the previous example, that mind fuck works (ask me how I know) because the submissive has learned there are consequences for their actions. What those might be are up to the Dominant, of course, but that doesn’t stop a submissive’s mind from going into overdrive to figure it out.
A submissive’s active imagination also makes mind fucks powerful and effective. I haven’t met a submissive yet who didn’t have a mind that almost never shuts down or stops spinning – the appeal of D/s for many subs is the possibility of a quiet mind when a Dom takes over.
A little bit of information – I’m in trouble and my Dom usually punishes me for it – is enough to send those thoughts into a tailspin. Some of the most effective mind fucks require very little effort on the part of the Dom, simply a willingness to allow a submissive to continue on their own train of thought.
The length of a mind fuck depends on the specific situation and how effective it is. I’ve been allowed to believe for hours that an imminent and very painful spanking was headed my way. Could I have stopped it with a safe word? Yes, but part of the “fun” of the situation is being scared and anticipating what might happen. (Plus, I also enjoy spankings – even the really painful ones.)
Here’s a thing to wrap your mind around. If I’d used my safe word, I would not have realized I was stopping a mind fuck. I would have thought I was stopping a spanking I thought I was about to receive.
Be Careful With Mind Fucks
Like most kinky play, mind fucks shouldn’t be taken lightly and must be done carefully. Mind fucks are a type of edge play that can be devastating if you get it wrong.
A mind fuck manipulates someone’s thoughts and beliefs about a situation. It’s very important that a Dominant understand their submissive’s potential triggers (as much as possible) before playing with mind fucks.
They should also be aware of a submissive’s mental state at the time and general mental health issues. Fucking with the mind of someone who is generally very anxious quickly stops being a fun way to play and might trigger genuine fears.
On the other hand, a submissive who wasn’t expecting a mind fuck or believed it very deeply might feel betrayed or manipulated in a way you didn’t intend.
Edge play, for the most part, is about playing on a bottom or submissive’s fears. Real damage can be done if you don’t understand your partner enough to know their possible triggers. For example, a submissive who has been sexually assaulted should not be the focus of a non-consensual mind fuck without plenty of prior communication and consent.
Even then, a Dominant must be willing to stop the situation once they realize their partner is in real distress or the “play” has gone too far.
Safe words should be respected during a mind fuck, but like all other kinky play, they can’t be the only thing you rely on. A Dominant needs to keep a close eye on their partner the entire time so they can stop if things get out of hand.
You, as a Dom, might know the scene isn’t real, but your submissive won’t. They will have a very real reaction that must be respected.
The mind is a powerful machine. Given the right sensory information, a few choice words, and a little bit of trust, it can believe almost anything. An oft-repeated scenario – almost a classic mind fuck – is that of a sub terrified of knives and blood.
The Dom blindfolds the sub, but not before they get a glimpse of sharp knives nearby. Using a combination of ice and warm water, the sub believes they’ve been cut and are now bleeding.
For some submissives, the fun is in being scared. For others, it’s the relief of finding out it wasn’t real. Responsible Dominant partners should not use mind fucks to maliciously manipulate their partners emotions or thoughts without there being some benefit to the submissive. As always, consent is key.