‘Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so…’
The first line of a children’s hymn spins through my mind as I sit down to write this article. As an ordained Refreshing Ministry Reverend and a self-confessed masochist, erotica writer and peddler of smut, the subject of kink and Christianity is close to my heart.
Firstly, I want to say it is possible to be kinky and have faith. Those two things are not mutually exclusive although it’s easy to see why people struggle putting the two things together. Many churches are riddled with discrimination of all kinds and it can be a minefield finding somewhere to express your spirituality.
it is possible to be kinky and have faithClick To Tweet
I have been a Christian as long as I can remember and have been to several different churches in that time. When I started writing erotica I kept it secret from the majority of the members of the church I was at because instinctively I realised it was something that wouldn’t be accepted.
Then I accidentally left my ‘rosy, raunchy romance’ signature on an email I sent to my vicar and the process of outing myself started. At first, nothing much changed, except the vicar regularly meeting with me to see if I’d given up my wicked writing ways. Until my position as school governor came up for renewal. I was in the position to represent the church. I was told the church council would have to be informed about my writing before they voted on putting me back into the position I’d held for four years. I acquiesced. I was appalled when I was informed that the vote went against reappointing me based solely on the fact I wrote erotica.
That day, I left my church. It hurt very much but I couldn’t stay where I wasn’t supported. I’d led Sunday school, taken part in services, and been a member of the choir. I organised events, cleaned and fundraised. All the time I did all that I was writing erotica. It doesn’t make me a different person. But once that church found out I wrote about sex suddenly I wasn’t the right type of person to represent them.
It hurt very much but I couldn’t stay where I wasn’t supportedClick To Tweet
Now, sadly this is often the way in the church. They were lovely people on the whole, just wrapped up in the cotton wool of ‘that’s the way it’s always been’ and afraid to think for themselves. Sheep who follow the leader but sadly, not the guy who the whole religion is started from, Jesus. The dude who preached love everyone as you’d want to be loved. Who made friends with tax collectors, adulterous women and others that society rejected.
So I broke up with the church
So I broke up with my church, not with my God because every time I’ve ever wondered if I was doing something wrong be it with my writing or more recently my BDSM activities, I’ve always been reassured. You know they say God moves in mysterious ways, right? Well, one time he used the chipmunks singing a Lady Ga Ga song to send me the message that I didn’t need to change. That was pretty special. God makes no mistakes, I was born this way, baby.
I moved church then, to one with a far more understanding vicar. Unfortunately though, she still told me not to tell the rest of the congregation because they wouldn’t understand. So when she left, so did I.
Finding a new home
At this point I checked out Changing Attitude (now known as One Body, One Faith) which has a facility to search for welcoming Christian churches in your area. This is based mostly on LGBTI inclusion but that tends to mean the church is more open minded and will welcome all comers. I found my current church, St Agnes in Reddish and on my first visit was introduced to the church as the next EL James and applauded. I didn’t have to hide any aspect of me. I found my spiritual home.
I found my spiritual homeClick To Tweet
There are welcoming congregations out there, check the list at One Body, One Faith. Look at Unitarian churches, by definition they accept all people of different faiths and none. Research online for progressive churches. Ask friends, people in your kinky circles. There are quite a few of us kinky church goers out there!
What if you’re already in a church but they’re not accepting? Remember that is the individual members of the church, not your God. You are loved exactly as you are. It’s up to you where you worship. If you love your church then stay put. But you can work towards helping your church to be more welcoming. I know it’s not always easy to make a stand, but it is in doing so change happens.
It is your relationship with God that matters. You were made to be exactly who you are, always remember that. As the Reverend of Smut I am happy to answer any questions you might have. You can contact me through my Rev.Blisse page.
There is no condemnation from Jesus (paraphrased from Romans 8:1) so you do not need to feel guilt for your kink play. It is very much possible to be kinky and Christian. Embrace your uniqueness. You were born this way!
Embrace your uniqueness. You were born this way!Click To Tweet