Sex blogging: Gender make absolutely no difference

Let’s address this issue without flinching. Despite what the media try to tell you, there are, undoubtedly, some amazing male sex bloggers out there. They may be harder to find – or slightly lower in profile – than some of the female big hitters, but they are there. There are lists made, posts written, and networking at events, and you only need to do a quick Google search to find a male blogger.

However, this is my tenth year of writing a sex blog. When I started, I was one of about two boy bloggers around. I was the most active, I was the most honest – and, although the following years brought fresh blood to the pack, I was (for a while) the youngest.

For me, this doesn’t feel odd. I’ve gone through life – education, training, and work, as well as socially – making my way in what are traditionally (and unfairly) seen as female-dominated areas. My classes at school were primarily girls; it was the same at university, my second degree finding me as one of three boys in a year of over 100. Most of my friends are girls, I don’t have any brothers, and every boss I’ve ever had has been female.

How does gender affect my blogging?

Why does this affect me sex blogging? Well, it doesn’t. I don’t feel outnumbered, outclassed, or alone. I love blogging and I love bloggers – why should it matter that I’m not a lady? It doesn’t bother me.

While the reception I’ve had among the blogosphere has been mostly positive, the mainstream media is a completely different animal. Girl bloggers get a certain degree of exposure, which is well-deserved in some cases, yet occasionally stems from the fact that “it’s a girl writing about sex!” is something which can be easily, and unfairly, sensationalised. As a boy, I’m expected to be bolshy about sex and talk about it constantly with my male friends. Boys don’t do that – genuinely, they don’t.

It's the lack of conversation I got from my peers which prompted me to start my blogClick To Tweet

It’s the lack of conversation I got from my peers which prompted me to start my blog, so perhaps the reaction I get when I tell people – one of polite incredulity – isn’t an unexpected one. I don’t tend to ask what people think: what am I expecting? Do they suddenly have visions of me with an incredibly overactive sex life, extraordinary fetishes and a predatory attitude? I think that’s pretty unlikely. Most people have some degree of sexuality – all I’m doing is talking about it!

What do I write about?

One thing which does set me apart from other sex bloggers – of any and all genders, including male ones – is that there isn’t a lot of kink, BD/SM, or toy reviews. From what I’ve seen, a lot of boy bloggers review sex toys, are in a D/S relationship (or are part of a couple), are polyamorous or have a particular kink. What sets me apart seems not to be the fact that I’m a boy; it’s that I’m vanilla!

I’m fine with all these things, by the way, but none of them apply to me! In fact, the reaction from other sex bloggers themselves has been more similar to “what DO you write about?”, not having a proclivity to focus on or a niche to carve out. I find that lack of rigidity incredibly freeing, more than anything else – it means I can write about whatever I like, giving my readers (and myself) more of a variety in the sort of content I’m likely to get out. A lot of the best blogs do this – audiences love a wide array of things to keep them entertained.

On the other hand, there are bloggers who have told me that they have nothing to write about because they have to write about a specific kink they have, or if they only review toys, or something similar. This often seems to me like it can hold bloggers back – if they’re putting pressure on themselves to turn out content they think everyone expects of them, than can be a little dull, and frustrating for the blogger as well, especially if they’re just doing it for attention, rather than desire. I’ve always said: it’s your blog, so write what you want, rather than what you think people want!

I’ve never found it difficult to write about sex, to the point of running a session at Eroticon ’17 about keeping your blog going. I just click “new post”, open the compose window and go!

I've never found it difficult to write about sexClick To Tweet

In among all this muddle, one thing I have been asked a fair few times is my opinion on the idea of more men blogging about sex and sexuality. As I’ve said above, I’m far from being the only male sex blogger out there, but I am one of the more seasoned ones… and I’ve seen it happen. I’ve even seen men pose as women because they think they won’t be read otherwise. I think it’s a positive thing for anyone of any gender to share their views on sexuality – that’s what blogs are for, inviting discourse! – but I don’t really think gender matters as much as sexuality does. I’ve seen brave attempts at male sex blogs started by people BECAUSE they are a boy, or IN SPITE OF the fact that they aren’t a girl, which really doesn’t help!

So why don’t men write sex blogs? We do! You just need to look… or, better yet, ask!

For ILB’s pick of the male sex blogs, check out:

  • The Edge of Vanilla – Tom’s been around for longer than me, and he was one of the first readers and supporters of my blog!
  • The Big Gay Review – I’m not a sex toy fan, but I love this blog. It’s hilarious and informative, and David’s a great writer.
  • The Sex Experiment – This is a delightfully unconventional take on things, different from anything else. It’s not being updated any more, but it’s well worth reading through the archive.
  • This D/s Life – This is by Michael (aka Signs), and his cheeky tone adds a wonderful “light side” to the frequently-discussed topic of a D/s relationship.