We all have our own particular kinks but what happens if your partner isn’t into the same thing you are? You can find a way to get your kink from someone else. The first step is to talk this over. Communication is the key in all relationships. Just because you’ve found the other half who makes your life complete it doesn’t mean they’re going to like everything you like.

This doesn’t necessarily mean an end to the relationship or an end to your enjoyment of a good hard spanking, being tied up, pretending to be a naughty schoolgirl or other kinky pastime. Maybe you can indulge your desire with someone else. Once you’ve talked this over with your partner and established that it is indeed okay that you find a play partner to fulfil your kink, what next?

[clickToTweet tweet=”What happens if your partner isn’t into the same thing you are? The first step is to talk this over” quote=”What happens if your partner isn’t into the same thing you are? The first step is to talk this over”]

Who do you pick?

The easiest answer to this question is a person you trust. However, you must at every step check your partner is happy with who you’re playing with. The level of detail you divulge is up to you, it might be that by personal agreement you just don’t talk about it or you might decide to talk everything through, including experiences. Maybe your partner wants to watch? You will need to take all this into account when deciding who to indulge your fetish with.

How do you pick someone to play with?

If you already attend fetish events and munches you have the ideal place to start. If not, you may want to look into what kinky goings on are happening in your area. It’s probably worth looking for munches first, as these are essentially social meet ups for the kinky minded where you might get to know someone you want to play with in an informal setting first. In comparison fetish clubs and event nights might be better if you really just want to dive right into the action. Go where you feel most comfortable that is the key.

In this digital age you can meet people online to play with too. Look at fetlife.com for example (you will need to make a login). It may be that you can find someone to write out your fantasies with and that could be as much as you need. Or you can chat to someone online first and arrange to meet in real life later. As always, be safe. Arrange to meet in a public place first, make sure someone knows where you are whenever you meet someone for the very first time.

Where do you play?

This will vary greatly depending on what your personal peccadillo is and the arrangement you make with your partner. It might be that you’re into being tied to a St Andrew’s cross and flogged, well you’re going to need a club with the right equipment for that but if you just want a bit of a hand spanking over someone’s knee, that can be done anywhere. It comes down to what is practical and what you’re comfortable with.

There are clubs up and down the country where you can go to not only indulge in fetish play of all kinds but to find out more about various fetishes. You can go to specific events for specific kinks, for example needle play, rope bondage and hot wax. At these events you’ll be able to watch and learn from people who know what they’re doing. This is especially great if you’re a beginner as you can get help and encouragement and the opportunity to ask questions.

It might be that your partner wants to be there when you play, to observe but not join in which will take planning in advance. You might be happy to play in your home or maybe you will want a more neutral space to meet. This is something that needs talking about separately from when you play to make sure no boundaries are crossed accidently and nobody gets upset.

Communication

The most important thing about introducing someone else into your play is that there is good communication between all people concerned. You need to play with someone you trust and your partner also needs to trust them too.

[clickToTweet tweet=”You need to play with someone you trust and your partner also needs to trust them too” quote=”You need to play with someone you trust and your partner also needs to trust them too”]

This doesn’t mean that the multiple people you play with need to talk at all if that isn’t what you want. It just means that you need to be the conduit for important information like rules. Each person in the arrangement needs to know the role they are in and where the boundaries lie. I think it’s very important to establish these limitations and boundaries before any form of play is indulged in. This means that everyone involved knows exactly what can happen and exactly what won’t happen.

There is room for these boundaries to be changed as you explore your kink. It’s vital that this is communicated to everyone involved. There is lots of fun to be had with multiple people in a fetish setting but honesty is essential to make it work.

[clickToTweet tweet=”Honesty is essential to make it work” quote=”Honesty is essential to make it work”]

There are no hard and fast rules for how to conduct your kink exploration outside your main relationship. It is very much up to you. You are the one in control. The essentials are honesty and communication. This keeps everyone involved safe, informed and hopefully happy. If any issues crop up then each person involved needs to feel confident to discuss them. We are all human with unpredictable emotions and you never know when jealousy might arise. There isn’t a 100% guaranteed way to avoid this but by keeping the lines of communication open and being completely honest there isn’t anywhere for jealousy to hide.

Have you been exploring your kinks outside your relationship? What works for you? Don’t hold it in, go out and explore your kink in a safe, fun way that suits you best.

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