So you want to be a sex blogger? Here’s what it’s really like…

You can never have too much of a good thing – sex writing included. One of the great things about sex blogging is that most (if not all) of the sex bloggers I know want to encourage more people to join in. We’re often evangelical about sex writing, because we know first hand just how fun and freeing it can be.

But it can be hard to know where to start. It’s often daunting to figure out how you start from scratch to build an engaged audience, excited to read your latest hot stories. Luckily, plenty of sex bloggers have given their own take on how to get started. As I say – we’re evangelical. We want you to join us, and we’re happy to give advice.

Sex blog guides

My own overview of how to start a sex blog

Molly’s guide on the technical bits of blog set-up

Cara Sutra’s guide to adult copywriting

There are plenty more! This is just to give you an idea. But as so many of us have tackled the ins and outs before, I thought I’d take a different route: I’m going to give you my most important piece of advice on sex blogging, and then an account of a week in the life of a sex blogger. Ready? Let’s go…

Most important advice to a wannabe sex blogger

The first thing you need to do is write. Lots of people contact me saying they’d like to be a sex blogger, and asking me how they should do it. My advice would be: write. Before you even ask people for advice or start thinking about blog set up. Open your laptop, and write a few posts. That sounds obvious, I know, but as a writer I understand the miserable pain of the blank page. Staring at it, wanting your first line – or first blog post – to be perfect and momentous. To be something so special that you swell with pride.

It probably won’t be. In fact, it will probably take a long time before you work out what your writing niche is, and what unique qualities you’re going to bring. So in the meantime, start writing – talk about the things you care most about, and see what bubbles to the surface. My blog began as a way to tell some of the sexy stories I had told my friends in the pub, others begin with thoughts on sex toys, or explorations of gender and sexuality. Whoever you are, there’ll be something you do that shines through strongest.

Because of this uniqueness, every sex blogger’s life is different. I don’t do sex toy reviews, because other people do it better than I could, but as my blog has grown, I’ve worked out that what I love best is where sex crosses over with other things that I’m passionate about: technology, feminism, humour and occasionally philosophy. When I took the leap into making blogging my day job, one of the things that surprised me was how much time I would spend doing things that were not directly published on site: writing for media outlets, promotion, working with companies, and everything else besides.

Here’s a rough account of my typical week.

Writing the actual sex blog

This, I think, takes around a day each week. I know that sounds like very little. But writing for the blog comes most naturally to me, so the posts don’t take a huge amount of time. I publish at least two blogs per week – on Wednesdays and Sundays – and ideally a guest blog and a link roundup too. Writing posts and editing them doesn’t take as long as comment moderation, and promotion – putting links up on Twitter and Facebook and then staring excitedly at the stats to see which posts ‘hit’ and which ones ‘miss.’ I usually have an idea of which ones will be especially popular – intensely dirty ones get a lot of clicks and search traffic, and funny ones get shared lots more on social media. But one of the key rules of blogging is that you’ve got to try things out. Don’t just write what you think people will like – write what you know and love, and you’ll often be surprised at the stand-out popular entries.

Pitching ideas to other people

Because I am a loudmouth (a key requirement of blogging, in my opinion), I want to write for other people too – media outlets or large blogs which have a bigger readership than me. It’s not only a good way to promote the blog, it also helps pay my bills. Handy, because my bills always seem to be far higher than I’d like.

So I spend around a day each week pitching ideas to magazines and websites like the Debrief, Guardian Science, and anyone else who might be interested, then writing the articles for them. This can be very hit and miss. Sometimes it’s going to be a guaranteed ‘yes’ – I write a regular column for Coach Magazine, for instance, and because it’s my column I have a lot of flexibility in what I can write. Other times it’s speculative – I’ve had a fun idea for an article and I think a particular magazine might like it, but if I’ve never contacted them before it’s likely I’ll get no reply. Pitching is exhausting, but it’s well worth it for the feeling of satisfaction when your work goes up online or in print.

Working with sex-industry companies

When I tell people I blog for a living, I think a lot of them imagine that I sit at home writing posts for my own blog, and the money just appears magically. It doesn’t really work like that – I have to combine money I get from blog sponsorship with money I make doing copywriting for other companies. I’m fussy, so I’ll only work with people I really love – like the wonderful people at Kinkcraft, or the lovely folks at HotOctopuss, or the genius Pandora Blake. This work includes blogging, copywriting, drafting press releases, doing social media, and sometimes coming up with fun plans and ideas.

I spend about two days a week doing this – more than I spend on my actual blog. But it’s worth it – this work buys me the freedom to do a bit more on the blog each week.

Big projects

This rather vague term refers mainly to books. I’ve written two books based on the blog – one a memoir focusing on sexual experimentation and my journey from being a proto-perv to a full-blown kinkster, and the other which tells a more intimate story of one relationship – the ups and downs, and the pressures put on us by society to be seen to ‘progress’ through love and sex. Writing a book is often seen as the moment a blogger has ‘made it’, but it’s rarely the case that a book would be a blogger’s main (or only) source of income. Still, though, they take time, because you want them to be perfect. Last year I spent roughly eight months writing book two, and during that time I had to cancel a hell of a lot of plans to go and stare at that dreaded blank page.

Other big projects include improving the site. You never just build a blog and then it’s finished, there are always changes to be made. I speak a lot with the guy who helps make my website, and we’re always coming up with ideas and changes to give people a better site experience, or encourage them to read more posts, or get better search ranking for the site. It’s a combination of ambition and nerdery, although these projects are often ones that get left by the wayside when there’s a deadline looming!

Admin

Ah, the most dreaded task for any sex blogger – admin. When you turn your hobby into your job the one thing people rarely tell you is that you have to spend a lot of time doing very boring things. Creating invoices, checking bank statements, nudging people to pay you if they’ve forgotten. Arranging payment for guest bloggers and artists. The dreaded T-word (taxes). If you’re very lucky or very rich, you can get someone to do this for you. If you’re like me, you’ll spend at least half an hour a day and then an extra week around tax time pulling your hair out and weeping into a bucket of gin.

Other admin, which is more fun but no less hard work, includes replying to emails from readers, as well as comments on the site and on social media. I spend hours each week doing this and still I can’t keep up with the tide. It’s simultaneously a blessing – because it’s wonderful to know that so many people are reading – and a curse – because I live in a permanent state of guilt that I haven’t got back to everyone.

Attending events and meetings

As an anonymous blogger, I rarely go to events. You won’t find me popping up at the latest reading slam or product launch. But I do sometimes get out of the house, whether it’s to meet a company to try and persuade them to sponsor me or to go to events like Eroticon, to meet other bloggers in a safe environment.

This year at Eroticon, I was on a panel about sex blogging – the panel which has inspired most of this post, in fact. One of the questions asked was what do you enjoy most and least about being a full-time blogger.

I’ll switch it round and answer the hardest bit first – what’s the least enjoyable thing? Personally, it’s the difficulty involved in keeping work and life separate. Naturally when you turn your hobby into your job, you then struggle to compartmentalise. I spend most weekends working – at least for a few hours in the morning before my partner gets up – and I am on Twitter and Facebook a lot during the evenings too. I very rarely ‘switch off’ or get a break, and I occasionally get that sick feeling when I realise that an urgent email has popped in to my inbox at 9pm, but I’m too drunk to deal with it until the morning.

However this down-side is also the up-side. It’s a nice problem to have because you only get it when you enjoy your work so much it’s hard to let go. Sure, a bit of me is stressed about having to hit deadlines, and a bit of my anxious brain is angry with myself for filling up so much of my time with work. But when I take a step back and look at my life, I realise I wouldn’t change it for the world: every day I get to write about sex, which is what I love most. I work with people who are fascinating, kind, kinky, nerdy and intensely passionate. They’re exactly the sort of people I’d choose as my friends, but now I get to have them as colleagues too.

When I go to bed at night I may be exhausted, but I’m also happier than I’ve ever been. I feel tired all the time, but I also feel lucky. Starting a sex blog is one of the best things I’ve ever done. And I hope I’ve persuaded you to give it a go too.

I told you we were evangelical.

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