Sex education: Are you an A* student, or do you need remedial classes?
It’s time for your sex education test. You have five minutes. Your time starts now.
- Can you locate the G-spot, A-spot, U-spot and P-spot?
- Are you able to tell a partner what you enjoy?
- What about that thing they do that doesn't really do it for you? Can you tell them that?
- Do you feel confident sharing your fantasies with a partner?
- Do you know everything you want to know about rope bondage, sadomasochism or power play?
- Do you know who to turn to if you are having issues in your romantic or sexual life?
- If you answered no to any of these questions, you're in luck! There are so many ways to brush up on your sex skills and improve your relationships. Gone are the videos with dodgy haircuts. Sex education is sexy now. Sometimes it even comes with wine!
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Safer sex
Sex education is about so much more than safer sex, but it is much easier to let go of your inhibitions when you’re not worrying about whether you should expect a membership card for the No-Nose Club. (Sadly, this syphilitic social club is a myth.)
My favourite source of sexual health and safer sex information is the BASHH website.
Anatomy
Don’t bother dusting off your GCSE biology textbook. You won’t find any mention of the A-spot, G-spot, U-spot or P-spot in there. When it comes to erogenous zone orienteering, the internet is your friend but before you go getting a map, why not let yourself just explore?
I spent several years believing I had found my G-spot, only to discover it was actually my A-spot. When I realised my mistake I felt a bit stupid, but then I felt pretty awesome. The orgasms were amazing and I had made the discovery with my own fair hands. I was a sexual explorer!
Every body is unique so I’m a strong advocate of a little lubricated exploration to discover what works for you. If you think you’ve gone as far as you can on your own, however, it might be time for some collaborative learning.
Sex education classes and salons
If you’d asked me a few years ago whether I’d ever go to an orgasm class, I would have laughed in your face. The idea of talking in any group situation fills me with dread, but talking about masturbation and sex?!
Going to an adult erotic education class can feel daunting but the people who run these events know exactly how to put you at ease and get you giggling in no time (the glass of bubbly doesn’t hurt either). Taking a partner, a friend or a group of work colleagues really helps to settle the nerves and it also enables you to become more open with each other, which is a brilliant extra to take away from the class.
The first question when deciding which class to choose is what am I hoping to get out of the experience?
Knowledge and skills: If you want to learn more about your body then an arousal and orgasm class might be exactly what you need. If you’re a little stuck at the oral stage, a lesson in fellatio might help. A massage course can be a perfect way to increase intimacy, both physical and emotional, with a partner whilst also learning a new skill.
Confidence: Most of the classes and workshops are likely to boost your confidence but if that is your focus then an art of seduction, pole-dancing or burlesque workshop could be exactly what you need to awaken your sleepy inner sex siren (or dirty wanton slut, if that’s more your thing).
Novelty: Orgasmic meditation, tantric sex, erotic dance, aphrodisiac chocolate tasting, sexy science, erotic cake decorating…. There are always new workshops and courses popping up so you don’t have to worry about running out of things to try.
BDSM
Ever seen intricate rope bondage and wished your knowledge of knots extended beyond double knotting your shoelaces? Perhaps you’d like to make your corporal punishment fantasy a reality but are concerned about safety? Maybe you and your partner are considering exploring dominance and submission and want to pick the brains of people with more experience? Whatever your kink or query, there will be somewhere you can learn more.
Some sex shops host introduction to spanking, bondage and power play classes. These classes can provide a comfortable atmosphere to learn the basics and ask questions, but they are aimed at total beginners so when you’ve mastered the basics, it’s time to venture into the kink scene.
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Fetish fairs are a good places to start. They often have demonstrations and workshops where you can learn from BDSM enthusiasts and see some riveting performances. In addition, you can buy toys and make new kinky friends.
If rope is your thing then look out for peer rope workshops. These are events where people get together to practice and share their experience. They are suitable for people at every stage of their rope journey and are usually extremely cheap. To find local events check Fetlife.
While munches (informal social gatherings for people interested in BDSM) aren’t strictly educational resources, I think it would be foolish to discount them. Most people will be happy to answer your questions, as long as you they aren’t intrusive or disrespectful.
Counselling and emotional support
Sometimes it takes more than a seduction class to help a person become comfortable and confident sexually. Sometimes an erotic massage class just papers over the cracks in a relationship. If you are finding your sexual or romantic life isn’t making you happy then counselling might be something to consider. Counselling can provide a space to understand issues that are holding you back or creating problems in your relationships.
I’ve always had trouble with emotional intimacy but it was only last year that I decided to discuss my relationship issues with a therapist. As kink is a huge part of my life, I found a kink-friendly therapist through Pink Therapy. Having a therapist who was willing to listen and understand my sexual identity helped me to shake off some of the stigma I’d acquired in my last relationship and I left therapy feeling more accepting of my sexuality and more hopeful about the future.
If you are interested in psychosexual or couples therapy I recommend speaking to your GP to see if an NHS referral is a possibility, contacting Relate (they also see single people), or finding a therapist through COSRT or Pink Therapy. To ensure your therapist is qualified and follows ethical guidelines, check they are BACP, UKCP or COSRT accredited.
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