One of the most popular answers to the question ‘what is feminism?’ is a quote from Marie Shear - “feminism is the radical notion that women are people.” Which is great on a t-shirt, but it comes across as a tad sarcastic, and it’s not particularly helpful for people who want to find out more about one of a diverse, interesting philosophy that spans human rights, gender, and political thought in the 21st century. .

I’m a feminist, and alongside my ‘YAY FEMINISM’ badge I also have a tendency to try and sum up feminism in these catchy sound bites – assuming that everyone who’s anyone will identify as a feminist too, and so the only thing we need to work on is how best to make society a fairer place. But, like the ‘radical notion’ slogan, that’s not always helpful: there’s a lot more to feminism than simply ticking a box that says ‘we’re all human together’ and then sitting on your hands and waiting till the world’s changed around you.

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So here I’m going to give you my run-down on what feminism is, and why it’s important, as well as deal with a few frequently asked questions about feminism.

What is feminism?

Feminism, broadly, is a movement grounded on the principle that everyone is equal regardless of gender. What’s more, identifying as a feminist means (in my mind) that you’re willing to take certain steps to try and promote this equality, and tackle injustice where you see it.

That means that where there is imbalance in our society, for instance in companies where men are paid more than women for the same job, you believe that’s wrong and want to take a stand against it. Picking out individual injustices is always a tricky subject, and the deeper you delve the more you realise just how much gender inequality there is in our society.

Let’s take for a start the idea that women are – and should be – the primary caregivers for children. This comes from the notion that women are naturally more ‘nurturing’ than men, and it leads to a lot of injustice. Parental leave laws, in countries which offer parental leave, are usually heavily weighted in favour of time off for the mother. This sucks for men who may get to spend less time with their children, and it sucks for women who are expected to take a back seat in their careers in order to perform the main care-giving role. It also leads to attitudes in the workplace which take women less seriously, often leading to lower pay or less chance of promotion.

Attitudes outside the workplace often view men who care for children as either ‘weak’ or somehow suspicious. Couples who would like to share the responsibility but don’t have the legal or benefit framework in which to do it – not to mention that they’ll often be shamed or mocked by peers for not conforming to expected roles. And that’s before we even begin to tackle the ways in which this prejudicial attitude affects other family groups: single mothers, for instance (who are often seen as feckless/lazy, or on the hunt for handouts) or gay couples (who struggle to achieve the same rights/protections in family because they can’t be easily categorised into traditional roles of ‘nurturer’ and ‘breadwinner’ based purely on their gender).

That’s just one of the problems, and it stems from the same idea: that someone’s gender means they will be a certain way, think certain things, and should be treated accordingly.

Of course within the scope of ‘feminism’, there are lots of different offshoots and beliefs. It’s not, after all, like all feminists have a meeting once a year where we decide which problems to tackle, then take a vote and agree on everything. There are splits as different groups of feminists discuss what the best way is of dealing with the problems we face – and often debates which of the problems are even important.

What is 'intersectional' feminism?

I’m an intersectional feminist – and I think most people who are feminist are too, although not everyone would recognise the word. Intersectional feminism is the idea that it’s not just your gender that causes you to face discrimination, there are other competing factors too. For instance, while I face discrimination as a woman – with people often making assumptions about whether I want children or how seriously I take my career, my Muslim neighbour faces even more – the assumptions about children/career are combined with judgements that she’s more ‘subservient’ because she wears a hijab. She’s also more likely to face street harassment. Occasionally I’ll get random guys commenting ‘nice tits’, but she gets frequent comments about her hijab, with people assuming that she’s been forced into wearing it. That’s just one example: gay women, trans women, disabled women – all face their own unique intersecting oppression.

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Give me an example of feminism

Hoo boy, there are plenty. I can tell you that as a sex-nerd feminist, most of the issues close to my heart relate to what we get up to in the sack. For me, important myths to tackle involve:

• The idea that women can't (and don't) enjoy sex to the same degree as men. I think this is prevalent in our pop culture, and leads to sex-loving women like me often feeling like we're wrong/bad/dirty, and men who don't want sex as much as they're expected to feeling weak/lost/wrong. Speaking out about our sexual desires and experiences is one of the crucial steps to changing these beliefs.
• Sexual assault. Women are subject to more harassment and sexual assault than men. Again this is linked to a lot of the beliefs we have about men and women. Campaigning against this and educating more people about consent is also vital.

Those are just my pet causes, though. If you’re interested in education, you might want to research organisations that are helping to ensure girls in other countries get equal education with boys, or support organisations that are campaigning against young girls being married off young against their will. If you’re interested in media representation, you might want to look at how few older women there are in TV and film. The wage gap, which sees women earning less than men in almost every industry, might take your fancy too. There are more feminist causes here than I can list, so please feel free to suggest your own in the comments or on Twitter!

How does feminism affect men?

Guys are also subject to intersecting oppressions: just as the assumptions made about gender harm women, so they also harm men. The idea that ‘big boys don’t cry’ makes it harder for men to express emotions, or means that if they do they’re often subject to shaming or they’re ignored. The assumption that men should be the breadwinners – while it makes it harder for women to get by in certain sectors, it also means that the expectations placed on men are ridiculously high, and not something every man wants to live up to.

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So why don't we call it 'equalism'?

This is a tough question, and it’s the one thrown at me most frequently by people who don’t want to say they’re feminists. Personally, I think if you’re keen to fight for equality (equalism is just an ugly word, and I don’t think we need it) then go for it – you don’t necessarily have to identify as a feminist. But there’s an important reason why the movement has that name: it’s because in general women do experience more oppression than men. Historically, under patriarchy, it’s been women who suffer more, and therefore I think it’s useful to have a word that shows us what we’re fighting for: not lowering the level of everyone so that we’re all equal in misery, but raising women up so that we are equal to men.

What's patriarchy?

OK, I used the P-word. Patriarchy refers to the societal structure that helps to maintain the myths we have around gender. It’s commonly misread to mean ‘men keeping women down’, but just as there’s no ‘feminist’ AGM, men don’t sit down together once a year and have a meeting where they decide who to oppress either - we all help to reinforce patriarchy to a certain degree.

Because it’s controversial, I’m going to stick my neck out and give you an example of where I reinforce patriarchy. It’s rarely deliberate, of course, but it happens, because having grown up in a patriarchal system it’s hard to fully reject it when so much of it is in your blood. When one of my friends has a baby, I immediately start imbuing it with qualities which I relate as ‘like’ that baby’s gender. I use terms like ‘strong’ or ‘big’ for boys, and I say that baby girls are ‘pretty.’ Not deliberately, of course – when I think hard about it I manage to swallow the words that will prop up the idea that men are strong and women are beautiful. But I can’t help it all the time: and you probably can’t too.

There have been some fascinating experiments conducted into adults’ perceptions of the sex of babies: one which asked adults to guess the sex of a child based on hearing them crying (people guessed ‘female’ for higher pitched cries even though there’s no link between pitch of crying and the sex of a baby. There’s also a very interesting study which put adults in a room with a baby (labelled ‘boy’ or ‘girl’ or ‘X’) and examined which toys the adults offered, and how often they touched the baby. There were plenty of differences depending on whether they knew the gender of the baby, which hints that we may not always be as egalitarian as we think when it comes to interacting with the sexes.

This isn’t to say that everyone is a tool of the wicked patriarchy, just to point out that we all help to reinforce gender roles, and examining the ways in which we do is one of the first ways to start changing behaviour – and eventually changing the world!

Do I have to be a feminist to care about equality?

You’ll get a different answer on this – and the other questions – depending on who you ask. But for what it’s worth my view is this: there are lots of people who are put off the word ‘feminism’ – mainly thanks to representations of feminism from people who hate it. The idea that we’re all man-haters is, if not actually prevalent amongst the general public, something that prominent media commentators often push. Likewise the idea that somehow feminism is about bringing men down rather than building men up. Neither of those things are true, but I can see why the prevalence of these arguments might make you a bit squeamish about getting that ‘this is what a feminist looks like’ T-shirt and wearing it to the pub any time soon. I understand – I don’t have one, and it’s not just because I look rubbish in T-shirts.

If you really care about equality, and you’re happy to fight for equal rights for everyone, then to be honest I won’t be hounding you and insisting you call yourself the ‘F-word.’ But in reality, if you care a lot about equality, you probably are a feminist – even if you don’t want to say it.

So join me in smashing up systems of oppression: talking loudly about the things which need changing, and doing your best to change them too. There’s plenty of time and room for everyone to join in, and the more you join in the more you’ll learn. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about feminism in my last 32 years on the planet, it’s that it is always showing me new things that need work, and new ways to work on them.

You can call it ‘equality’, call it ‘feminism’, call it ‘being a decent person’ – but whatever you call it; join in. We need everyone if we’re going to change the world.

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