7 years ago I decided to start a blog in an attempt to force me to write more. I had a bunch of unfinished erotic stories on my computer and a wealth of new material in my head. The idea of the blog was to create some discipline. After all if I had a space to publish something then I would have to finish it in order to do so.

[clickToTweet tweet=”“We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.” ~ Anaïs Nin” quote=”“We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.” ~ Anaïs Nin”]

At the time my first marriage was over and I had just spent a glorious summer discovering my sexual self with a very dirty man. It might sound cheesy but I was definitely on a journey of self discovery where sex was concerned. Writing a sex blog was an obvious choice. At the time I had no master plan for it, it was just a space to write and share my thoughts, experiences and fiction.

I started a free blog on WordPress and away I went. If you had told me then where it would lead I would had laughed at you. Who is going to want to read my ramblings? The answer turned out to be rather a lot of people and what started as experiment has led to a whole new career.

So why do it?

Well I have explained my original motivation but once that passed I found myself addicted. I love that it is my space for me to express myself in whatever way I choose. The best way to get better at writing is to write and having a blog has definitely achieved that. I am definitely a much better writer than I was when I started and I like to think that I can continue to improve.

It has also been a truly wonderful relationship tool. I write for me, because I have something to say, thoughts to share, experiences to process and stories to tell but I also write for an audience and mainly that audience is my partner. It has definitely become a communication tool for me. Sometimes bringing up a subject can be challenging, even in the best relationships.

Writing about those difficult subjects or challenging fantasies etc. has been the perfect way to stimulate conversation between us as well as allowed me to present my desires, kinks, needs and wants in a way that gives me time to think about them, explore them in my mind and through my writing, opening up those topics for us to then explore together. Writing allows you time to really think about things so that when it does come times to articulate them with a partner you approach it with much greater confidence.

However the best reason to do it though is because it is hot.

How to do it?

There is no definitive answer to this apart from work out what works for you. If you are going into this thinking you are going to make your fortune then you might want to think again because that is probably not going to happen. You have to want to do it for doing its sake otherwise you are very quickly going to get bored. Set your own pace though, write everyday of you feel the urge or only once a week but I really would have some minimum goals to keep you on track.

Pick a medium that suits you. If writing is not your thing there are other ways to express yourself though. They say an image can represent a 1000 words so maybe you want to explore yourself through that medium. If so you should check out my post on Erotic Photography. Alternatively you could also try recording yourself either audio in the form of a podcast or video in the form of a vlog.

Remember though if you are hosting your videos through YouTube they have pretty strict adult content rules that you will need to consider. Whatever your preferred medium is my advice is to get on and have a go. Over thinking it will only lead you to talking yourself out it and remember you don’t have to share everything you create. In fact you might want to keep the whole thing private and just share it with certain people such a lovers, friends, partners etc. This is about you, claim your space and make it you own.

You should consider your own personal boundaries though. Many people blog anonymously for a reason. The world, despite it being 2016, remains a fairly judgemental and sex negative place. People have lost jobs, families and friends from writing openly about sex so think about your own personal situation and how it might impact you and set your personal boundaries based around that.

You should also consider the people you might be writing about. They may not have consented to appearing in your blog, protecting those people is important and can be done by giving people nicknames. You are absolutely allowed to write about your own experiences, thoughts, etc. but it is not cool to out other people in the process.

I can’t speak to male bloggers but I as a female blogger who writes candidly about her sex life I have found that some people make huge assumptions about me as result. I have had people question my parenting, my morals and my sanity and men who wrongly assume that it means I am sexually available and therefore definitely interested in seeing their penis.

However it is not confined to men because most of the hateful spiteful comments I have received have been from women. Don’t let that put you off though, it is annoying but it has never outweighed all the wonderful joy I have got from sharing my writing.

The up's and down's

If I had a penny for every time someone asked me where I get my ideas for what to write about from then I would have quite a few pennies to my name. The answer is all sorts of things. There are a huge amount of writing memes and prompts to help inspire you but I find the world is full of inspiration. Sometimes it might be a conversation on Twitter, or someone else’s piece I have read, or a discussion we have had at home, an experience I have had, a fantasy I masturbated too.

The list is endless. Don’t get me wrong there have been many days when I have sat here with a blank page and a blank mind to match it but even when I have felt utterly inspired stepping away from the task and doing something else nearly always results in renewed ideas.

You don’t always have to always write about the sex stuff either. When you are not feeling sexy it can be quite challenging to write sexy, although to be honest, I have found writing it anyway often changes that but if not then write about what you are feeling. We are all many things and we have ups and downs when it comes to sex and relationships. Writing the downs is just as important and potentially therapeutic as writing the ups

The reader

Well right now that is you but it is also me. Reading other peoples work is one of the best ways of not only learning new stuff but also understanding what makes other people tick, discovering new things that turn you on and also inspiring your own writing. If you are looking for some great reading check out the monthly Elust publications that is a roundup of the best sex writing on the internet.

I read a lot of sex blogs. Sometimes they make me think, sometimes they make me laugh, sometimes they make me cry, sometimes they teach me things and often they do all of that as well as turn me on. For me the reader is the icing on the cake. I write because I need to and because I love it, the reader comes along and just makes the whole process that little bit sweeter.

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