Sometimes at the end of a long day you just want someone to rub and stroke all the stress out of you. On this occasion, I’m not talking about sex per se. I’m talking about massage.

Of course, if you want or need a massage for an injury or as therapy then you are best going to a professional. It’s not cheap but you deserve it. Treat yourself. What I’m going to write about today is purely amateur massage which is about relaxation, connection, and sensuality.

You don’t need to have anything fancy to try this. What will make it easier is some kind of oil or lotion. Baby oil, your body moisturiser, even a little olive oil or ground nut oil will work. Though be skimpy with cooking oil, you don’t want to dress your partner like a salad. And no, lard won’t really work the same way but if that’s your kink, go for it!

If you want to purchase an actual massage oil they’re available on the high street as well as online and will last a good long while. Often just the scent of a good massage oil will start to relax you. If you’re being kind, warm the oil/lotion you use in your hands first. If you’re a bit mean, pour it on cold to see your partner jump. I don’t recommend this if you’re giving a massage to calm or soothe your lover, it’s likely to annoy. But if you’re being playful or are at the beginning or end of a BDSM scene then the chill might be quite fun.

Start with an end in mind

Establish the purpose of your massage early on. It’s very easy to get carried away when you have your hands on a person you find sexually attractive. However flattering this is, sometimes it’s not what the receiver wants. If you have it set in your mind that the massage is the intimacy and that’s all before you start then hopefully this will be easier to keep to. Where do you start? Begin with setting the scene. Low lighting, maybe some soft music and lots of soft, fluffy towels. When you’ve warmed the body with your massaging you may want to cover that area to keep the warmth in as you rub other parts.

Make sure the person to be massaged is comfortable, they may need a little pillow/folded towel under their head if lying down or if you’re just working on their shoulders maybe a pillow on the floor will help them sit between your legs comfortably.

Start out soft. Don’t jump in there kneading muscles. Start slowly and gently, always massaging towards the heart (to promote blood flow) and only increase the pressure once you’re comfortable doing so. Don’t massage directly over the spine and avoid pressing too hard on any bony parts of the body.

Do unto others as you would have them do to you. I’m not getting biblical on your ass, honest. Your basic rule of thumb is think about what you would like done to you and translate that into your massage.

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If you keep the lines of communication open then you can get ongoing feedback. Moans and gasps are good indicators you’re doing it right but there’s no hardship in actually asking questions too.

There’s no set time for a massage but take your time, don’t rush and throw your full attention into what you’re doing.

This kind of contact is naturally very intimate and sensual. If you want to up the erotic nature of the massage then mutual nakedness is a good place to start. Maybe use other parts of your body as well as your hands (breasts, ladies, trail them down your partner’s back) but check that’s okay before you do. Some people will love it if you get your toes involved other people will freak the hell out.

Fingers straying into intimate areas will soon turn an erotically charged rub down into sex. This is even more true if you put all your efforts into the massage. Don’t do it half-heartedly just so you can get laid. That’s not going to be fun for anyone.

Of course, massage is brilliant foreplay but if you are using it this way please don’t just rub her back and butt for a few moments then leap in for more. Savour the tension, appreciate the lines, the curves and dips of your partner’s body and slowly build up the heat. Make the massage part of the sex. The connection you will build up as well as the tension will lead to explosive pleasure in one form or another.

There isn’t anything scary about giving a loving, relaxing massage. Give it a go and see how well it works to relax not only your partner but you too. It’s a brilliant way to show someone you care and strengthen your intimate bond at the same time.

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