Pleasure comes in many shapes and sizes and sometimes it can be something we share and sometimes it can be something we enjoy on our own. Masturbation tends to be sold as a pleasure best enjoyed on your own and it definitely has its fabulous merits in that regard.

Masturbating regularly is healthy, normal and enjoyable. In fact why not have a little diddle now before we carry on? Yes? No? Maybe later when you have finished reading the rest of what I have to say...

However in this piece I am going to encourage you to look at masturbation not as a solitary activity but as one that can also be a lot of sexy hot fun when shared with a partner(s)

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Let's wank together

Not a sentence that you utter often and for many people something they would find very difficult to say to their partner. My suggestion is if this is something you and your partner have never done together before then you broach the subject with them in slightly more subtle ways.

Use sentences like: "It turns me on when you touch yourself when we are having sex." "Have you ever watched a partner make themselves come?" I read an article about how it can be really hot to watch your partner making themselves come. The thought turned me on"

Hopefully this will lead to you talking about the idea further and exploring it together in your minds before actually doing it.

Clearly, like all sex things, there are just some people who this will not work for, but you won't know that until you at least try to have a conversation with them about it and hopefully by presenting it as a shared sexy activity that would turn you on will make them see it that way too.

What are the rules?

There are no rules when it comes to mutual masturbation. If you find you get so turned on half way through you end up jumping each other then hurrah for having a wonderful sexy experience. My advice is don't be too prescriptive, just try it out and see what feels natural.

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You might like to take turns and watch one another, you might like to do it at the same time and also don't focus too much on the orgasm but on showing and sharing with your partner how you like to touch yourself.

If an orgasm happens that is great but if not then that is OK too. This is not about performing for your partner, unless that is your kink obviously in which case you probably have this all sussed out already, this is about sharing an intimate and sexy moment with your partner and maybe adding something new to your sexual relationship.

A learning opportunity

Mutual masturbation is also a great way to learn about your partner's body. Watching how someone pleasures themselves is a great way for you to discover how and where and in what way a person likes to be touched. We all have different things that we like when it comes to sex and achieving orgasms.

By watching someone you can learn so much about what they like, how fast or slow, which specific areas or spots they linger on, do they like penetration as well as clitoral stimulation, do they hold their penis near the base or the head etc. The best way to learn how to make someone come is to ask them to show you and to be prepared to do the same in return.

The pleasure loop

I can hear you now thinking that this all might be a bit awkward and yes it definitely could be but that is why I really encourage you to talk to your partner about it and how it might be before you do it because mutual masturbation is actually incredibly sexy. We all understand the pleasure loop that comes about when we give our partner sexual pleasure.

It is like the joy of giving someone a lovely gift, you get just as many warm fuzzy feels watching them open it and seeing their happiness with it as they do from actually getting it. The same is true when we do that for our partner in a sexual sense but is that true when it comes to mutual masturbation? In my experience the answer is absolutely definitely yes.

Seeing your partner getting aroused is arousing. It is why humans have, since the dawn of time, got off on watching each other having sex. Because it turns us on and that is even more true when we watch a partner masturbating and becoming excited not just by the touch of their own hand but by sharing it with you and vice versa.

Mutual moments

Masturbating together does not have to be instead of doing other things together. For many women achieving orgasm through penetrative sex can be difficult, mutual masturbation can be one of the ways you can make sure she has her orgasm and if that then makes you feel like fucking as well then go for it. As I said, no rules, just work out what is hot and sexy for you both.

However watching each other get off can be a great way to still share a joint sexual experience with a partner during times when you might have otherwise abstained. It is a great way to feel sexually connected to your partner if you are not physically in the same location.

Maybe you are in the long distance relationship or maybe one of you travels for work. Jerking off together over the phone or, and I highly recommend this, over Skype or whatever your preferred face to face messaging service maybe, is seriously fucking hot.

Watching and listening to a lover getting off while you are doing the same thing, or even taking turns in my experience not only helps to keep you connected while you are apart but also, in my experience, feeds your desire for one another so that when you are back together again you can feast on all that pent up lust.

So how about now, fancy having a few private moments to yourself whilst you imagining watching someone else doing exactly the same thing? If the answer is even vaguely yes then hopefully I will have tempted you enough to give mutual masturbation ago.

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