As someone who struggles with anxiety on a daily basis, I know first hand just how difficult it can be to attend adult events when you feel so anxious that you would rather just not go. It really can be a daunting experience, especially when you’re going for the first time, but there are measures in place to help those who are anxious. The adult industry is actually very accepting and a lot of us struggle with mental health issues, and so many events will cater to those who have anxiety.
Bigger is better
As odd as it may sound, sometimes attending a larger scale event can be easier than attending a smaller one, though you would think it would be the opposite! Going along to big events such as Sexhibiton or the ETO Show can be easier as it’s less personal, and it is often much easier to avoid people.
There’s also no pressure to attend at all even if you have already purchased a ticket, and you can leave at any point you wish. If you take someone along with you, you can enjoy the event together at your own pace. When I was starting to get involved with my local kink scene and adult events, I chose a shibari bondage display to go along to. I was attending alone and I was extremely anxious, but the rigger has requested total silence in the gallery which, strangely enough, helped to ease my anxiety as I knew I wouldn’t be forced to interact with anyone.
Munches, play parties and dungeons, oh my
A munch is a gathering of kinky people in a non-kinky setting, so for example, going to a bar or coffee shop. What some people don’t realise is that there are many munches held that are either for anxious kinksters or that cater for anxious kinksters. A great way to find out about these meet ups is through FetLife which lets you search for groups and events specific to your geographical location.
The organiser will often be an experienced and friendly member of the BDSM scene in that area and will be more than happy to chat to you! If you’re feeling a bit shy or anxious about attending you can message the event organiser to tell them this- they might talk to you about what will happen at the munch to put your mind at ease, offer to meet you at the door and walk you in so you don’t have to find the group yourself, or they may put something really obvious on the table they’re sitting at so you know it’s them.
[clickToTweet tweet="Munches are relaxed and always have a friendly atmosphere" quote="Munches are relaxed and always have a friendly atmosphere"]
The first time I attended a much they had a cute little lucky cat on the table. Munches are relaxed and always have a friendly atmosphere, making it easy to settle your anxiety and have some fun. There may be other anxious people in the group too and the event organiser might introduce you online before the event so that you can help support each other.
Play parties are gatherings of kinky people where kinky stuff is definitely happening. These usually take place in local dungeons or fetish clubs where all play can be controlled and gives it a much more adult feeling than meeting other kinksters in a bar, for example. The one thing that makes me much less anxious about attending play parties is that the level of security is always high.
Common rules include no alcohol/drugs/smoking, no cameras or camera phones to protect attendees’ identities, and ID must be shown at the door to prove all those attending are definitely over 18. If at a club, security will be in place to escort out any troublemakers. At a dungeon there will usually be friends/subs of the resident Mistress(es) who will act as security. If you’re thinking about heading along to a play party but are anxious, speak to the Mistress/Master who is running it and explain your situation.
There will often be quiet rooms at events like these for those who are anxious or who simply want to take a break from what is happening in the play rooms. Even if you do attend, there’s no pressure to wander around the play spaces or to play with anyone - you can simply go and sit in the quiet rooms and chat to other guests.
[clickToTweet tweet="Even if you do attend, there’s no pressure to wander around the play spaces or to play with anyone" quote="Even if you do attend, there’s no pressure to wander around the play spaces or to play with anyone"]
Many cities have dungeons, and many can be rented out. For a lot of people attending events the first time, it can be daunting because they have never experienced a dungeon setting before. Sometimes renting a dungeon for an hour to see the space and equipment can help ease you into things. If you’re anything like me, part of the anxiety I experience when attending an event is because I haven’t been before! I especially experienced this when going to my local dungeon for the first time, which I rented beforehand so I knew what it was like and where it was.
Adult events are full of normal people
From people I’ve spoken to, a lot of them are anxious because they think the other event attendees will be ‘weird’ or ‘extreme’. The vast majority of people who attend adult events are normal, every day people. Some are doctors, some are teachers, some are builders, some are unemployed… There’s no specific type of person who enjoys adult events. Many people are there to unwind and have fun, and let’s not forget that BDSM is supposed to be fun! This is another reason why no cameras are allowed- many people who go along to these types of events need the anonymity due to their daytime occupations or family circumstances.
[clickToTweet tweet="BDSM is supposed to be fun!" quote="BDSM is supposed to be fun!"]
If you reach out to an event organiser/facilitator/staff member to let them know you want to attend but are anxious, nine times out of ten they will support you as best they can. They want you to come along to their event and they want you to get involved!
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