As a larger woman, I grew up alongside the attitude that I should be apologetic for my size. I remember going on my first girls holiday with my friends when I was 19 and buying a bikini. One of my friends commented that I was “Brave” to wear a bikini at my size. Brave? Why would that possibly make me brave? I wasn’t going to war, or fighting a disease. Those things are brave. I was merely exposing my slightly curvy figure to the teen masses in Magaluf.
It’s alarming how we can be so easily swayed by other’s opinions, even if we come across as extremely confident and self-assured. I wore the bikini but I never felt quite the same as I did when I first bought it.
With age, I’ve come to realise a lot of my sexual confidence is tied in with my own self-image. If I’m feeling good about myself this radiates into my sexual play and my inner sex kitten starts roaring. Embracing your own kinks is empowering, but not half as empowering as knowing your self-confidence is very sexy.
I own me
I own my thick thighs and curvy bum. I embrace my womanly figure. There is a mind-set that bigger people prefer to hide their bodies. But I don’t. Regular followers of my blog or my twitter account will know I’m a regular flasher. Cheeky bum shots to showcase a tail plug, boudoir peekaboo pics for Sinful Sunday. I’m an extrovert, I don’t want to hide or blend in to the back ground, why should I?
In my time, online I’ve always posted pictures of myself and this has opened me up to plenty of criticism over the years. Do I care? Not at all. I don’t post them searching people’s approval. I don’t do it fishing for compliments. I post them for me.
I do It for two reasons. Firstly, I’m proud of how I look, I enjoy showing off. I put a lot of effort into my appearance and my inner peacock insists I strut my stuff. Secondly it gives me a bit of a thrill. I’m an exhibitionist. As I approach my first anniversary of my blog I’ve realised that the regular flashing of my body has led to a degree of body acceptance I didn’t have before.
There’s no doubt it’s still far less acceptable for a larger body to be exposed to the public than a slim one, I still see the trolling online of plus size models. This is 2017 people are you really judging someone based on the label in the back of their clothes?
I find a certain rebellious streak inside me just cries out to challenge this. Why shouldn’t I display my body with the pride I feel? The accepted media perception of an attractive body isn’t realistic or normal for most people. For me the more normal nudity we see the more it will dilute the unrealistic expectations. There are some fabulous campaigns to this effect which we should all embrace.
Focus on what makes you happy
The more comfortable I am in my skin the more sexually open I am. We shouldn’t be hung up on what our partners are thinking about us whilst playing together. It affects our ability to let go and enjoy the sensations. Everybody has those moment of self-doubt when naked. We are at our most exposed and vulnerable. Literally shedding our armour and baring our souls to people we trust.
[clickToTweet tweet=”The more comfortable I am in my skin the more sexually open I am” quote=”The more comfortable I am in my skin the more sexually open I am”]
It’s perfectly natural to start to wonder about the bits of ourselves we dislike. Wondering if they’re judging us as harshly as we judge ourselves. The important thing to remember here is the person you’re with is probably feeling the same.
The reality is nobody sits in a sexual situation sizing up their partner. Debating the size of their bottom or the wobble of their thighs. They’re far too busy anticipating the touch of their lips, or the intimacy of the moment. If your mind is so busy worrying about positions which hide your tummy or angles which make you look good you won’t be connecting in the way you should be.
Believe in yourself! This is vital to a good sex life. You ARE sexy, you ARE attractive. The lumps and bumps you might hate so much feel soft and sensuous when pressed against someone in the heat of the moment. Don’t allow societal pressure to affect your self-belief. You’re amazing!
[clickToTweet tweet=”Believe in yourself!” quote=”Believe in yourself!”]
When we allow ourselves to let go of the emotional baggage we carry due to years of being different we start to see things differently. In my 40 odd years on the planet I’ve lost a lot of weight on more than one occasion, often due to outside pressure influences. When I look at those pictures now I hate how I look. It doesn’t suit me at all. My friends and family echo this. Life is rarely cookie cutter perfect, why would we all be meant to be one shape?
I love my big boobs, my round bum, my wide hips. I love the curves which I show off at every opportunity. I’ve even grown to love my stretch marks. We’ve all seen that meme about stretch marks being tiger stripes, well damn right they are. Every one of them was earnt during a gruelling 18 months of combined pregnancy.
After my eldest daughter was born I felt scarred. My body had changed totally and I felt not for the better. But motherhood changed my perspectives. I look at my curvy teenage daughter and I don’t want her to grow up with the body hang-ups I did. I feel the weight and importance of my own body positivity even more.
We are often our own worst enemy when it comes to body positivity. We stand in front of our mirrors castigating ourselves for our lack of perfection. Instead we should be celebrating our diversity. This isn’t a one size fits all society. Who decides what’s perfect? Isn’t beauty in the eye of the beholder?
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